Two Years Without Facebook: Why I Did It

There was no great “ah hah” moment the day I said, “you know what?...I’m deleting my Facebook account!”. I did know one thing however, it was a major distraction and personal letdown.

I with only a few months left as an undergrad student, I worked fulltime for the government, commuted every day—2 hours or more, mother and wife; life was jam-packed with things to balance. I would arrive home, heat up some food, play with my baby girl, simultaneously flip through the channels, chit-chat with my hubby, text message occasionally, and most certainly checking my timeline on Facebook to see how crazy everyone else’s life is too.

Nothing about Facebook necessarily brought me joy, per se. It was only a means of checking in, so I thought. Seeing what everyone else was doing in their early 30’s; maybe to confirm or deny that I was doing something cool in life, or that I was on the right track. The occasional late night DM in my inbox would pop up, I would quickly delete and block, and my block list grew larger and larger. As a married woman I could only grow more uncomfortable as the same would happen to husband. Family members would gush about my family pictures, natural hair posts, career moves, and accomplishments; I even made my grandmother an account to keep her in the loop. In the middle of the day I would post how tired I was at work, post subliminal messages about people I could not stand (yes I fell into the pettiness once upon a time), secretly hated on  dreamy vacations pics, and drove myself half-crazy looking at ex-boyfriends’ pics and their new lives without me in it.

What was really going on here? How did the “old” Facebook go from needing a college email address to register and saying “hey check out my pics!” ,to everyone and their mama (literally) joining say “hey look at my open diary!”? It all seemed to be that my personal life was already full, but I found myselfmaking room for this “pet” of sorts. I gave it more attention than I did my bi-weekly manicure or deep conditioning treatment regimen. It was almost as if I had to feed it, bath it, groom it, clothe it…my profile was constantly changing, my pictures were being posted throughout the day, my “friend” count grew past 4k—and still I was not satisfied.

As a fulltime student, working towards a business administration degree online, I would post a status of my unaccomplished work rather than working on a 12 page APA format paper due in a few hours or so; and still check back in to see how many “likes” I received to validate my despair. Ugh. What a vicious cycle I was running. Even over date nights, after posting pictures of my beautifully plated meal and a quick selfie of my makeup being on fleek, I would gaze at my husband sitting there scrolling through his timeline as well, liking the very pictures that I just posted! What the hell was really happening here?

So here it goes, the truth—I was silently validating myself through Facebook. All of these 4k friends had full access to the life I wanted them to see. Truth was, no one knew about the arguments that had spewed from those inappropriate late night inbox messages from long lost exes, insecurities about my husband’s exes, envy and jealousy behind the trips I had not taken, wishes of having a child (which at the time my hubby and I were struggling to conceive for 6 six years), angry about the opinions people would post, confused about the relationships forged and portrayed, the list runs on and on. The nitty gritty truth was, I was giving life to nothing. Absolutely nothing. None of these things made my world go-round. That is when it hit me, this was not life at all, and it was a grand perception and front for what we all want our lives to look like.

So on January 12, 2015 I deleted my Facebook account, and never looked back. The date was never significant, I just could not stand to keep doing the same thing and expecting to see new results—that is insanity, right?

Literally, for the first 2 days I felt like I was on a fast. My mind was racing as I got ready for work the next day, not whipping out my iPhone to take a selfie in the car, in my most fabulous outfit that I once would have thought the entire world should see me in. As I pulled off in my car, and made my way to work, no longer did I have the luxury of posting how I was counting down the hours to go home with a cute meme to match. It was just me and my life, no one had a clue what I was embarking on, but I knew things would become more refreshing and true to thewoman I was striving to become, not just pretend to look like.

After a week, I was at ease, my anxiety to check my timeline had almost went away entirely. I knew when popular television shows would come on I would miss the blow-by-blow spoiler alerts, but I was okay with that. Instead, I curled up next to the man of my dreams and baby girl and watched it, in real time, without even glancing at my phone. My husband then decided to cut off his Facebook as well, and things got interesting. He and I were actually having conversations again about things that we did not see on our timelines. Instead of comparing what-with-what, we were making plans to go over our couples devotional, together! What I had not done before, which perhaps I could have, was look at my life and marvel at it. I was truly blessed. Everything that I had asked God for was granted to me, and the life that I wanted, I was living.

The facts were, I was capable of living my life out loud, but truthfully, it did not work with my personal and family dynamic. There was no quick hack for appreciating what I had, but once I purged Facebook from my life, things looked up and since then I have graduated—now in graduate school, I shed those pesky post pregnancy pounds, I no longer commute and work at my old job so I spend tons of free time with my daughter, and that spark has ignited into a flame between hubby and I, friendships and relationships are more organic and true, and that vacation we so desperately needed…we went to Mexico for 5 days! My bottom line was simple, I do not mind if my life does not “look” as colorful as others’, black and white is good enough for me, and apparently great for my life! One small area of change shifted. The distraction and letdown in my life into a clearer and more focused me, and the benefits from it were life changing.

Since, I have restored my Facebook account, all has been good. I’ve certainly made some changes, and I communicate less on Facebook than I do my Instagram account (a personal choice); but I have also given less care to what I once gave power to.

What is your personal experience with social media and has it affected your lifestyle?

I’d love to hear about your experiences.

Stay blessed! 

-Jenn

Boosting Your Creativity

Over the past two weeks I have been MIA. For those unfamiliar with the acronym, that stands for “missing in action”. I wasn’t actually missing, but mentally I had to honor rest and recuperation, it only makes for better content when my mind is renewed (as it does for anyone for that matter).

Last week was filled with visits from family, traditional work, and I fell ill to some pre-school bug I likely picked up from my toddler. The second week was more or less a week carved out for myself. I took some time to read two incredible books; mainly to reboot my current day thinking and elevate my thoughts (major key!).

 The first book was by Bishop T. D. Jakes, who I marvel and respect. His perspective and approach to ministering the word is awesome. I think I primarily gravitate towards his work and books so often because they help me break down things I do not understand, he generously offers motivation and reminders I need to continue pursuing my purpose, and lastly, he helps to inspire me to be a better Christian. Basically rounds me out in areas that build me and cultivates a better woman in me.

The second book I read was by Charlemagne Tha God. This was a no-brainer for me to read because I appreciate his candor, humor, and honest takes on life. The way in which he shares his story while giving very clear and concise ways to approach your dreams and purpose was on point! I could not have needed more of a boost during these times, because like many new entrepreneurs, I have hit many potholes and climbed quite a few mountains; and I still am. However, his words rang true to my story personally (even if they didn’t I would have read this book). Over the years, I lean to hear advice that does not make me “feel good”, but to whip me into shape. His book did that for me, and it also reminded me how important my dreams are.

Speaking of whipping myself into shape, after my reading was complete, I decided to fast. Some people fast for many different reasons. Some are for religious purposes, others for medical reasons. This time I needed to purge. My creativity was low. My dreams were vivid at night, but when I awoke, I was drained and groggy. Not sure if it was all of the cold medicine, daylight savings time, or the weather. Either way, I had to pick up the pace (I got frustrated not having the energy to write. That’s my love.).

Now, as a type 1 diabetic that sounds a little sketchy and downright unsafe to fast, but I have done this before in the past intermittently. There are tons of different ways to fast. This time around I took the approach to first do a detox in the form of a cucumber, parsley, lemon, and water mix. It wasn’t the worst thing I have tried, and to be honest, it cleaned me right out. I also got a free sample of a detox from GNC and that did the trick (if you know what I mean!). The second approach was water water water, 24/7 (stay close to the bathroom because your bladder will love you later for this one.)! Then I eliminated all alcohol, not even a glass of wine. That helped also, especially to beat the grogginess and it’s an energy sucker if you’re not a morning person such as me.

Not that it was the hardest task to complete; I knew I would pack on some weight because I would crave carbs (which I did terribly). I broke down and ate more carbs than normal, and I finally cut that by replacing rice with riced cauliflower and broccoli. It wasn’t the most satisfying replacement at first, but it had to be done. So technically, I made some immediate lifestyle changes with my diet to match the way my mind was progressing. In Charlemagne’s book he talks about improving his diet and cutting old habits to become more focused and prepared for his destiny. Well, truth be told, I decided to be the change I wanted to see, not just what I remembered myself to be (which was 20lbs lighter lol!).

Old habits die hard, and let me be the first to say, being busy is not an excuse. Being sick is not an excuse. Most certainly, being unprepared is the worst reason to not make the necessary changes I NEEDED to have come into fruition.

Resetting my body to function and perform the way I need it to is imperative for me to stay proactive and creative. So now I’m proud to say that waking up doesn’t feel like a “task”. I’m more energetic and aware of what my body is saying and needing. The scale still says one thing, but as the days progress, I stick with my fast. I remind myself that I’m still eliminating toxins in my body and toxic thoughts along with it.

As a type 1 diabetic, I like many other chronic disease sufferers; I battle my bouts of depression (which is very toxic). Feeling sorry for myself used to be so frustrating and difficult to comprehend. For starters, I used to despise needing someone to help me or take care of me because of my health. Now, I know when to ask for help. I can still be stubborn about it; I am definitely less prideful and consider what is best for me before my ego. Another major change that has helped with eliminating those toxic thoughts is replacing them with positive thoughts. For me, that has been the word. That’s where ministry comes into play for me. Getting my daily and multiple doses of biblical word, audio sermons, daily affirmations and devotionals has filled voids in my life where the world simply cannot.

By no means do I think I have the answers in my back pocket for life’s woes and trials; but I do have my handy bible app that supplies that word for me when the world and my mind are playing viscous tricks on me to believe otherwise.  I do understand this about myself very clearly; I know the image in which I was created, I am a Queen, and my purpose is my blessing. I also believe the same about everyone as well.

So as a takeaway from this post, try a few things (familiar and unfamiliar) to boost your creativity:

• Check your wellness. Are you tired? Have you been eating right? Are your more or less emotional? Whatever the differences are, try to identify what they may be and write down some probable solutions and desired outcomes. Do not just sit on them because you have deadlines and other things to do. Your health is certainly your wealth!

• Examine some of your routines. Making time to do things that break away from your daily routines is also important. To much the surprise, not all new activities cost a lot of money. Taking a day-cation to drive to a local city you have never visited is new and can change your perspective. Check out an art gallery nearby. Perhaps volunteer with a local organization, or even pick up a new hobby. Anything that gives you a fresh set of eyes in my opinion is worth trying.

• Listen to your thinking. We often hear ourselves, ego, conscious (whatever you may call it) constantly in our minds; almost like white noise. However, there are constants that we hear and fail to address. If you hear the same repetitive message being recited in your mind during specific occurrences or when you are at certain places, you may want to decipher those messages and make sure that they are healthy messages. Not everything we tell ourselves is fact, and frankly some of the things going on in our heads is harmful to our growth. What impedes on your growth is bound to affect your creativity; and overall mental state of mind.

• Lastly, give yourself a break! For the average man and woman, hustle and bustle may be what the world says we have to do; but what do you do for yourself when you get burned out? Do you rush to happy hour and drink it away? Are you becoming a workaholic? Have you called your loved ones or friends lately? Have you even gotten a good night’s rest? Well, we fall victim to these patterns of not giving ourselves a break; may be not in those exact forms, but you get the picture. It’s okay to be stellar, but even the most successful people take vacations and lay their hair down from time to time to regroup. Now a trip to San Tropez may not be affordable for me right now (lol), but a 3-4day cruise may suffice with my family, just to get away. It’s all in how you define it, but whatever you do, make time to do so.

Now go forth and create with your beautiful self!