Beauty for Ashes

As I pulled into the parking lot of my daughter’s school one cold January day, my cellphone was ringing—it was my husband—“Babe we got MacDill!” (one of our most highly sought after military installations to become stationed at). I could not believe it! This was “the base” of military bases to be assigned to; mainly because of the sun, bustling city of Tampa with its’ grand population of north-easterners (much like ourselves), amusement parks, powdery beaches, amazing culture and food; there was no doubt we were excited to call this place home in the months to come.

The wait was nerve wrecking leading up to the move, but nonetheless, we were game. Not even the slightest of disappointment could phase me at that point. I was moving to Florida boo! I’m all the way good, and no negativity was about to knock me off my natural high.

Thoughts of swimming after a long day, eating authentic Latino and Caribbean food, going on roller coasters, taking pictures with Mickey Mouse, driving to Miami, you name it; it all flooded my mind as I daydreamed day after day.

Even when I lived in other states across the nation, I always found the good in it. The adventure. Sadly, I’m not particularly sure why I struggled to experience “fun” in New Jersey, but it just didn’t hit all of the boxes for me. And, don’t get me wrong, New York and Philadelphia were both a hop-skip-jump away, but the state itself fell short on my list of excitement. What more can I say other than I’m extremely thankful for snow-days and the local farmers market.

So the day finally arrived. We were outta here! The packers came and packed our three bedroom home up in a day and a half. It was so odd that at some point that house felt pretty big, but now it felt more less like a tightly cramped closet. The moving truck was massive, cutting off traffic onto our street, and the movers hustled the huge crates and boxes onto the semitrailer. I practically didn’t look back at the house other than to show my daughter the cherry blossom tree that we think a bird planted by the water fountain I staged years prior when we first moved in; it had grown into a healthy 10 feet or taller tree by now. My daughter really had no other connection to the house, but she waved goodbye and that was that.

After 4 long gray winters in New Jersey, this was the breakthrough we know God had His hands all over. And, shortly after our arrival, Florida did not disappoint! It felt exactly like what it looked like in the magazines; sunny, sandy, blue skies, bright smiles, just an overall glow covers this area and it is amazing. The temperatures were just right, even though the locals warned us of the daily 5 o’clock rain (the hurricane season is upon us now) and increasing temps in the late summer; my family and I took to the culture easily. I’m not sure if it was the weather or how happy my family had become almost immediately upon arriving here, but my spirit was full.

We stayed in temporary lodging facility (TLF) for about 2 weeks. Now that part I was not a fan of, but it was temporary, and every single day I drove from city to city in search of a rental property that I found adequate enough to house all of our household goods, and that had a good-great school district for my daughter. Unfortunately, with such a high demand to be at MacDill AFB, and the increasing amount of newly stationed military members arriving throughout the summer, the housing waitlist was at an 11 month wait. There was absolutely no time to waste.

Everything we loved seem to fall through, and the mediocre properties were pending with other potential renters. I was over the idea of renting. The discouragement was beginning to set in, and my patience was running thin. I was doing a majority of the house hunting alone, but for good reason. My husband was busy getting back into the swing of things at his new office and in processing. This was the part of the balancing act that most military spouses do, that often get overlooked, but we play an integral part of the process as well.

Thankfully I abandoned the “house” renting idea, and switched to the apartment living concept for the sake of my sanity. Due to the horrific traffic (oh and it is just that, awful!), I branched only 5 miles away from base, and there you have it….we found a place.

There was an awesome move-in special and it was near restaurants I loved, what more to ask for! Basically the amenities sold me, and it was perfect for my husband’s commute and for me to find potential employment. With an 11 month wait to get base housing, this seemed to be the right choice—especially with our home goods on the way to be delivered soon.

May 4th, 2018. The day before the celebratory “Cinco de Mayo”was our delivery date. Dispatch had contacted us about the delivery of our home goods, and we had plans to spend the weekend unpacking and organizing to store a good portion of our belongings in a storage unit. My husband rented the U-Haul truck, and we patiently waited to see if the semitrailer was arriving. The two hour window of 10am-12pm came and went. We called dispatch and received no answer. This was highly unusual considering that the woman who handled all of the logistics was very responsive.

In my pondering, I was bored and tired of waiting so I decided to call my father. We talked about blessings and patience, and how we were thankful that we were closer in proximity now that we moved to Florida. The apartment was quite empty and echoed with every word we said. In the kitchen, I could hear my husband’s phone ringing and him starting a conversation. I ignored it because I was still in the middle of my conversation with my dad. Then I was interrupted by news that would change my perspective on life forever.

“Jenn I need to talk to you, it’s important”, my husband said to me through the halfway open door. I immediately got off the phone and asked him what was going on, and the look on his face was like nothing I have seen on him before. He then explained to me that the truck that was carrying all of our household goods had been involved in an accident and caught on fire. Nothing was salvageable and there was no police report. Just like that, all of a dream became dark. The sun was out but the clouds seemed to have rolled in quickly. Visions of all of my possessions, including my husbands and daughters possessions, going up in flames was playing over-and-over in my mind. All I could imagine was flames and heat consuming my life’s accomplishments and keepsakes. Nothing short of bad movie that I could not stop playing.

To say I was overwhelmed would be an understatement. Not for nothing, I distinctively knew my sadness had a place, but this was not the time to exercise those feelings. I also knew that I should not covet, and to do so is not what God wants for me to do. I literally was placed in the position to let things go without my permission. There was no sorting through my things, picking out what I wanted and did not want to keep. It was gone in a matter of minutes. The very thought of not seeing familiar pictures and holding my childhood memories was now my new reality.

The weeks went by. We were practically in regrouping mode. Everything that was lost was now a distant memory. A good friend suggested we setup a contribution pool, similar to Go Fund Me, so that we could quickly recoup the necessities. That was extremely helpful and allowed us to get back on our feet after the loss. All-in-all, it still felt surreal. The clutter that I once complained about, the toys that we in the way as I walked through the living room, the maternity photos that were in my daughter’s bathroom, the CDs I collected from my adolescence, and the yearbooks with well wishes were now minuscule in comparison to life itself.

Thankfully the driver was unharmed during the accident, and so were my family and I. We were not in the vehicle, only our belongings. The perspective that I prayed to view this from was to take on the incident, manifest the positive aspects of it, and in spite of all of the tings that were lost, those “things” were just that...things. Without any doubt I know God was control, and our resilience fueled our faith in Him more now than ever before. There’s something about being stripped of everything that is sobering and leaves you vulnerable. That enabled us, and it allowed us to see the situation from a different scope. Isaiah 61:3 (NLT) reads:

“To all who mourn in Israel, he will give you a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.”

Nothing Satan tried could break that promise that God made to us (all of us), because of all the “things” the world has to offer, God will always supplement and give us more than what we deserve. He most definitely was my strength and my salvation during and after the storm. And, in no time during that storm did I ask Him to get rid of the storm. In fact, I asked for Him to walk me through it. I’m imperfect in many ways, and this has never happened to me but I knew he’d be my comfort when I felt all was hopeless.

When I reflect on the circumstance, it was a revelation of sorts for my family and I. Only can God take anyone from losing everything, to being in a state of thanksgiving. From what I thought was the “good” part of my life, to preparing me for what is very likely to be the “best” part of my life. The blessings are flowing, and they are coming in so many different forms that I cannot help but be thankful to God and those He has used to bless us as well.

Throughout this process I have been open to sharing my testimony (my story), taking my time to come back to my brand, blog, and give you all the honest story of how my life has been shaped as of late. I completely took a step back to let go of the fear of reliving the loss publicly, but the secretiveness was not what was intended for my story, it is the part of me that cannot be undone, and that I am forever thankful for.

I will continue to share my story with you, and thank you for your support and for being patient with me. 

Blessings! 

-Jenn

Boosting Your Creativity

Over the past two weeks I have been MIA. For those unfamiliar with the acronym, that stands for “missing in action”. I wasn’t actually missing, but mentally I had to honor rest and recuperation, it only makes for better content when my mind is renewed (as it does for anyone for that matter).

Last week was filled with visits from family, traditional work, and I fell ill to some pre-school bug I likely picked up from my toddler. The second week was more or less a week carved out for myself. I took some time to read two incredible books; mainly to reboot my current day thinking and elevate my thoughts (major key!).

 The first book was by Bishop T. D. Jakes, who I marvel and respect. His perspective and approach to ministering the word is awesome. I think I primarily gravitate towards his work and books so often because they help me break down things I do not understand, he generously offers motivation and reminders I need to continue pursuing my purpose, and lastly, he helps to inspire me to be a better Christian. Basically rounds me out in areas that build me and cultivates a better woman in me.

The second book I read was by Charlemagne Tha God. This was a no-brainer for me to read because I appreciate his candor, humor, and honest takes on life. The way in which he shares his story while giving very clear and concise ways to approach your dreams and purpose was on point! I could not have needed more of a boost during these times, because like many new entrepreneurs, I have hit many potholes and climbed quite a few mountains; and I still am. However, his words rang true to my story personally (even if they didn’t I would have read this book). Over the years, I lean to hear advice that does not make me “feel good”, but to whip me into shape. His book did that for me, and it also reminded me how important my dreams are.

Speaking of whipping myself into shape, after my reading was complete, I decided to fast. Some people fast for many different reasons. Some are for religious purposes, others for medical reasons. This time I needed to purge. My creativity was low. My dreams were vivid at night, but when I awoke, I was drained and groggy. Not sure if it was all of the cold medicine, daylight savings time, or the weather. Either way, I had to pick up the pace (I got frustrated not having the energy to write. That’s my love.).

Now, as a type 1 diabetic that sounds a little sketchy and downright unsafe to fast, but I have done this before in the past intermittently. There are tons of different ways to fast. This time around I took the approach to first do a detox in the form of a cucumber, parsley, lemon, and water mix. It wasn’t the worst thing I have tried, and to be honest, it cleaned me right out. I also got a free sample of a detox from GNC and that did the trick (if you know what I mean!). The second approach was water water water, 24/7 (stay close to the bathroom because your bladder will love you later for this one.)! Then I eliminated all alcohol, not even a glass of wine. That helped also, especially to beat the grogginess and it’s an energy sucker if you’re not a morning person such as me.

Not that it was the hardest task to complete; I knew I would pack on some weight because I would crave carbs (which I did terribly). I broke down and ate more carbs than normal, and I finally cut that by replacing rice with riced cauliflower and broccoli. It wasn’t the most satisfying replacement at first, but it had to be done. So technically, I made some immediate lifestyle changes with my diet to match the way my mind was progressing. In Charlemagne’s book he talks about improving his diet and cutting old habits to become more focused and prepared for his destiny. Well, truth be told, I decided to be the change I wanted to see, not just what I remembered myself to be (which was 20lbs lighter lol!).

Old habits die hard, and let me be the first to say, being busy is not an excuse. Being sick is not an excuse. Most certainly, being unprepared is the worst reason to not make the necessary changes I NEEDED to have come into fruition.

Resetting my body to function and perform the way I need it to is imperative for me to stay proactive and creative. So now I’m proud to say that waking up doesn’t feel like a “task”. I’m more energetic and aware of what my body is saying and needing. The scale still says one thing, but as the days progress, I stick with my fast. I remind myself that I’m still eliminating toxins in my body and toxic thoughts along with it.

As a type 1 diabetic, I like many other chronic disease sufferers; I battle my bouts of depression (which is very toxic). Feeling sorry for myself used to be so frustrating and difficult to comprehend. For starters, I used to despise needing someone to help me or take care of me because of my health. Now, I know when to ask for help. I can still be stubborn about it; I am definitely less prideful and consider what is best for me before my ego. Another major change that has helped with eliminating those toxic thoughts is replacing them with positive thoughts. For me, that has been the word. That’s where ministry comes into play for me. Getting my daily and multiple doses of biblical word, audio sermons, daily affirmations and devotionals has filled voids in my life where the world simply cannot.

By no means do I think I have the answers in my back pocket for life’s woes and trials; but I do have my handy bible app that supplies that word for me when the world and my mind are playing viscous tricks on me to believe otherwise.  I do understand this about myself very clearly; I know the image in which I was created, I am a Queen, and my purpose is my blessing. I also believe the same about everyone as well.

So as a takeaway from this post, try a few things (familiar and unfamiliar) to boost your creativity:

• Check your wellness. Are you tired? Have you been eating right? Are your more or less emotional? Whatever the differences are, try to identify what they may be and write down some probable solutions and desired outcomes. Do not just sit on them because you have deadlines and other things to do. Your health is certainly your wealth!

• Examine some of your routines. Making time to do things that break away from your daily routines is also important. To much the surprise, not all new activities cost a lot of money. Taking a day-cation to drive to a local city you have never visited is new and can change your perspective. Check out an art gallery nearby. Perhaps volunteer with a local organization, or even pick up a new hobby. Anything that gives you a fresh set of eyes in my opinion is worth trying.

• Listen to your thinking. We often hear ourselves, ego, conscious (whatever you may call it) constantly in our minds; almost like white noise. However, there are constants that we hear and fail to address. If you hear the same repetitive message being recited in your mind during specific occurrences or when you are at certain places, you may want to decipher those messages and make sure that they are healthy messages. Not everything we tell ourselves is fact, and frankly some of the things going on in our heads is harmful to our growth. What impedes on your growth is bound to affect your creativity; and overall mental state of mind.

• Lastly, give yourself a break! For the average man and woman, hustle and bustle may be what the world says we have to do; but what do you do for yourself when you get burned out? Do you rush to happy hour and drink it away? Are you becoming a workaholic? Have you called your loved ones or friends lately? Have you even gotten a good night’s rest? Well, we fall victim to these patterns of not giving ourselves a break; may be not in those exact forms, but you get the picture. It’s okay to be stellar, but even the most successful people take vacations and lay their hair down from time to time to regroup. Now a trip to San Tropez may not be affordable for me right now (lol), but a 3-4day cruise may suffice with my family, just to get away. It’s all in how you define it, but whatever you do, make time to do so.

Now go forth and create with your beautiful self!