Two Years Without Facebook: Why I Did It

There was no great “ah hah” moment the day I said, “you know what?...I’m deleting my Facebook account!”. I did know one thing however, it was a major distraction and personal letdown.

I with only a few months left as an undergrad student, I worked fulltime for the government, commuted every day—2 hours or more, mother and wife; life was jam-packed with things to balance. I would arrive home, heat up some food, play with my baby girl, simultaneously flip through the channels, chit-chat with my hubby, text message occasionally, and most certainly checking my timeline on Facebook to see how crazy everyone else’s life is too.

Nothing about Facebook necessarily brought me joy, per se. It was only a means of checking in, so I thought. Seeing what everyone else was doing in their early 30’s; maybe to confirm or deny that I was doing something cool in life, or that I was on the right track. The occasional late night DM in my inbox would pop up, I would quickly delete and block, and my block list grew larger and larger. As a married woman I could only grow more uncomfortable as the same would happen to husband. Family members would gush about my family pictures, natural hair posts, career moves, and accomplishments; I even made my grandmother an account to keep her in the loop. In the middle of the day I would post how tired I was at work, post subliminal messages about people I could not stand (yes I fell into the pettiness once upon a time), secretly hated on  dreamy vacations pics, and drove myself half-crazy looking at ex-boyfriends’ pics and their new lives without me in it.

What was really going on here? How did the “old” Facebook go from needing a college email address to register and saying “hey check out my pics!” ,to everyone and their mama (literally) joining say “hey look at my open diary!”? It all seemed to be that my personal life was already full, but I found myselfmaking room for this “pet” of sorts. I gave it more attention than I did my bi-weekly manicure or deep conditioning treatment regimen. It was almost as if I had to feed it, bath it, groom it, clothe it…my profile was constantly changing, my pictures were being posted throughout the day, my “friend” count grew past 4k—and still I was not satisfied.

As a fulltime student, working towards a business administration degree online, I would post a status of my unaccomplished work rather than working on a 12 page APA format paper due in a few hours or so; and still check back in to see how many “likes” I received to validate my despair. Ugh. What a vicious cycle I was running. Even over date nights, after posting pictures of my beautifully plated meal and a quick selfie of my makeup being on fleek, I would gaze at my husband sitting there scrolling through his timeline as well, liking the very pictures that I just posted! What the hell was really happening here?

So here it goes, the truth—I was silently validating myself through Facebook. All of these 4k friends had full access to the life I wanted them to see. Truth was, no one knew about the arguments that had spewed from those inappropriate late night inbox messages from long lost exes, insecurities about my husband’s exes, envy and jealousy behind the trips I had not taken, wishes of having a child (which at the time my hubby and I were struggling to conceive for 6 six years), angry about the opinions people would post, confused about the relationships forged and portrayed, the list runs on and on. The nitty gritty truth was, I was giving life to nothing. Absolutely nothing. None of these things made my world go-round. That is when it hit me, this was not life at all, and it was a grand perception and front for what we all want our lives to look like.

So on January 12, 2015 I deleted my Facebook account, and never looked back. The date was never significant, I just could not stand to keep doing the same thing and expecting to see new results—that is insanity, right?

Literally, for the first 2 days I felt like I was on a fast. My mind was racing as I got ready for work the next day, not whipping out my iPhone to take a selfie in the car, in my most fabulous outfit that I once would have thought the entire world should see me in. As I pulled off in my car, and made my way to work, no longer did I have the luxury of posting how I was counting down the hours to go home with a cute meme to match. It was just me and my life, no one had a clue what I was embarking on, but I knew things would become more refreshing and true to thewoman I was striving to become, not just pretend to look like.

After a week, I was at ease, my anxiety to check my timeline had almost went away entirely. I knew when popular television shows would come on I would miss the blow-by-blow spoiler alerts, but I was okay with that. Instead, I curled up next to the man of my dreams and baby girl and watched it, in real time, without even glancing at my phone. My husband then decided to cut off his Facebook as well, and things got interesting. He and I were actually having conversations again about things that we did not see on our timelines. Instead of comparing what-with-what, we were making plans to go over our couples devotional, together! What I had not done before, which perhaps I could have, was look at my life and marvel at it. I was truly blessed. Everything that I had asked God for was granted to me, and the life that I wanted, I was living.

The facts were, I was capable of living my life out loud, but truthfully, it did not work with my personal and family dynamic. There was no quick hack for appreciating what I had, but once I purged Facebook from my life, things looked up and since then I have graduated—now in graduate school, I shed those pesky post pregnancy pounds, I no longer commute and work at my old job so I spend tons of free time with my daughter, and that spark has ignited into a flame between hubby and I, friendships and relationships are more organic and true, and that vacation we so desperately needed…we went to Mexico for 5 days! My bottom line was simple, I do not mind if my life does not “look” as colorful as others’, black and white is good enough for me, and apparently great for my life! One small area of change shifted. The distraction and letdown in my life into a clearer and more focused me, and the benefits from it were life changing.

Since, I have restored my Facebook account, all has been good. I’ve certainly made some changes, and I communicate less on Facebook than I do my Instagram account (a personal choice); but I have also given less care to what I once gave power to.

What is your personal experience with social media and has it affected your lifestyle?

I’d love to hear about your experiences.

Stay blessed! 

-Jenn

Boosting Your Creativity

Over the past two weeks I have been MIA. For those unfamiliar with the acronym, that stands for “missing in action”. I wasn’t actually missing, but mentally I had to honor rest and recuperation, it only makes for better content when my mind is renewed (as it does for anyone for that matter).

Last week was filled with visits from family, traditional work, and I fell ill to some pre-school bug I likely picked up from my toddler. The second week was more or less a week carved out for myself. I took some time to read two incredible books; mainly to reboot my current day thinking and elevate my thoughts (major key!).

 The first book was by Bishop T. D. Jakes, who I marvel and respect. His perspective and approach to ministering the word is awesome. I think I primarily gravitate towards his work and books so often because they help me break down things I do not understand, he generously offers motivation and reminders I need to continue pursuing my purpose, and lastly, he helps to inspire me to be a better Christian. Basically rounds me out in areas that build me and cultivates a better woman in me.

The second book I read was by Charlemagne Tha God. This was a no-brainer for me to read because I appreciate his candor, humor, and honest takes on life. The way in which he shares his story while giving very clear and concise ways to approach your dreams and purpose was on point! I could not have needed more of a boost during these times, because like many new entrepreneurs, I have hit many potholes and climbed quite a few mountains; and I still am. However, his words rang true to my story personally (even if they didn’t I would have read this book). Over the years, I lean to hear advice that does not make me “feel good”, but to whip me into shape. His book did that for me, and it also reminded me how important my dreams are.

Speaking of whipping myself into shape, after my reading was complete, I decided to fast. Some people fast for many different reasons. Some are for religious purposes, others for medical reasons. This time I needed to purge. My creativity was low. My dreams were vivid at night, but when I awoke, I was drained and groggy. Not sure if it was all of the cold medicine, daylight savings time, or the weather. Either way, I had to pick up the pace (I got frustrated not having the energy to write. That’s my love.).

Now, as a type 1 diabetic that sounds a little sketchy and downright unsafe to fast, but I have done this before in the past intermittently. There are tons of different ways to fast. This time around I took the approach to first do a detox in the form of a cucumber, parsley, lemon, and water mix. It wasn’t the worst thing I have tried, and to be honest, it cleaned me right out. I also got a free sample of a detox from GNC and that did the trick (if you know what I mean!). The second approach was water water water, 24/7 (stay close to the bathroom because your bladder will love you later for this one.)! Then I eliminated all alcohol, not even a glass of wine. That helped also, especially to beat the grogginess and it’s an energy sucker if you’re not a morning person such as me.

Not that it was the hardest task to complete; I knew I would pack on some weight because I would crave carbs (which I did terribly). I broke down and ate more carbs than normal, and I finally cut that by replacing rice with riced cauliflower and broccoli. It wasn’t the most satisfying replacement at first, but it had to be done. So technically, I made some immediate lifestyle changes with my diet to match the way my mind was progressing. In Charlemagne’s book he talks about improving his diet and cutting old habits to become more focused and prepared for his destiny. Well, truth be told, I decided to be the change I wanted to see, not just what I remembered myself to be (which was 20lbs lighter lol!).

Old habits die hard, and let me be the first to say, being busy is not an excuse. Being sick is not an excuse. Most certainly, being unprepared is the worst reason to not make the necessary changes I NEEDED to have come into fruition.

Resetting my body to function and perform the way I need it to is imperative for me to stay proactive and creative. So now I’m proud to say that waking up doesn’t feel like a “task”. I’m more energetic and aware of what my body is saying and needing. The scale still says one thing, but as the days progress, I stick with my fast. I remind myself that I’m still eliminating toxins in my body and toxic thoughts along with it.

As a type 1 diabetic, I like many other chronic disease sufferers; I battle my bouts of depression (which is very toxic). Feeling sorry for myself used to be so frustrating and difficult to comprehend. For starters, I used to despise needing someone to help me or take care of me because of my health. Now, I know when to ask for help. I can still be stubborn about it; I am definitely less prideful and consider what is best for me before my ego. Another major change that has helped with eliminating those toxic thoughts is replacing them with positive thoughts. For me, that has been the word. That’s where ministry comes into play for me. Getting my daily and multiple doses of biblical word, audio sermons, daily affirmations and devotionals has filled voids in my life where the world simply cannot.

By no means do I think I have the answers in my back pocket for life’s woes and trials; but I do have my handy bible app that supplies that word for me when the world and my mind are playing viscous tricks on me to believe otherwise.  I do understand this about myself very clearly; I know the image in which I was created, I am a Queen, and my purpose is my blessing. I also believe the same about everyone as well.

So as a takeaway from this post, try a few things (familiar and unfamiliar) to boost your creativity:

• Check your wellness. Are you tired? Have you been eating right? Are your more or less emotional? Whatever the differences are, try to identify what they may be and write down some probable solutions and desired outcomes. Do not just sit on them because you have deadlines and other things to do. Your health is certainly your wealth!

• Examine some of your routines. Making time to do things that break away from your daily routines is also important. To much the surprise, not all new activities cost a lot of money. Taking a day-cation to drive to a local city you have never visited is new and can change your perspective. Check out an art gallery nearby. Perhaps volunteer with a local organization, or even pick up a new hobby. Anything that gives you a fresh set of eyes in my opinion is worth trying.

• Listen to your thinking. We often hear ourselves, ego, conscious (whatever you may call it) constantly in our minds; almost like white noise. However, there are constants that we hear and fail to address. If you hear the same repetitive message being recited in your mind during specific occurrences or when you are at certain places, you may want to decipher those messages and make sure that they are healthy messages. Not everything we tell ourselves is fact, and frankly some of the things going on in our heads is harmful to our growth. What impedes on your growth is bound to affect your creativity; and overall mental state of mind.

• Lastly, give yourself a break! For the average man and woman, hustle and bustle may be what the world says we have to do; but what do you do for yourself when you get burned out? Do you rush to happy hour and drink it away? Are you becoming a workaholic? Have you called your loved ones or friends lately? Have you even gotten a good night’s rest? Well, we fall victim to these patterns of not giving ourselves a break; may be not in those exact forms, but you get the picture. It’s okay to be stellar, but even the most successful people take vacations and lay their hair down from time to time to regroup. Now a trip to San Tropez may not be affordable for me right now (lol), but a 3-4day cruise may suffice with my family, just to get away. It’s all in how you define it, but whatever you do, make time to do so.

Now go forth and create with your beautiful self!

Growth: Good Seed, Bad Ground

Some things are self-explanatory. Clear to see. However, I’m definitely guilty of trying to make certain things work out in my life that just aren’t going to; and for obvious reasons. I have spent hours working on problems, years mending, months mulling over specifics. Ultimately, a good seed won’t grow in bad ground.

Now I would never say I have a green thumb, I usually can only keep house-plants alive, but here’s the thing…the seeds will grow roots where there is good nourishment. I compare many of my ideas to a seed. Something that was planted in my mind and/or heart (which I believe are jewels and blessings meant to be acted upon), I try my best to consider it as an importance nonetheless. And, with great effort, I try to make things “work”. That’s where things get tricky. Like most, sometimes I’m 100% full-force, steam ahead, confident, and not lacking any doubt that God will provide the idea and make a way. Other times I fall victim to thoughts of self-reliance, and that not only clouds my judgement and decision making and problem-solving skills, it can harden the soil necessary to make the blessing flourish.

In this day in age one thing I have noticed about the mentality being adopted is embodying more individuality and less dependency on God. More climbing the latter, less sending the elevator down. More telling everyone the success, less sharing the testimony. More giving the universe, people, and everything else a shout out for your glory, less giving it to God. The list goes on and on, it’s not surprising to see more and more of. With that, what also looks like others in getting ahead of you in, they may be getting setup to fall behind in.

As of January of this year, I turned 33 years old. I went to a HBCU, joined the military simultaneously, met hundreds of people, and traveled many places over that time. One thing that stood out to me was how well everyone seemed to be doing in college and the military. In college, by my senior year I had second thoughts about seriously pursuing a career in my concentration of Biology. I ended up falling in love, getting married, and making an executive decision to quit college. Yup! I dropped out my senior year (you don’t want to know the bill). Following that decision, I explored every odd job there was that may have interested me. I worked as a hotel desk clerk, administrative assistant, retail sales employee, customer service agent for a cellphone company. You name it, I stayed with a job. I wasn’t too concerned about the dough per say, just wanted to get my feet wet and see what I wanted to do with my life—what made me happy. None of those jobs made me happy by the way. I ended up falling into the trap of thinking that the idea to drop out and work in multiple fields over the course of 3 years was a complete waste! That basically I had squandered opportunities, blamed myself for mistaking closed doors as open ones, condemning myself for making an irrational decision. Meanwhile, all of my peers had degrees and higher, went on to large corporations and other successfully designed employment structures; meanwhile I was feeling like a washed up used to be smart kinda girl.

By this time, Facebook was more than relevant. Every single move someone made was applauded by likes. Who in their right mind was going to “like” my tales of meeting my sales quota while I worked part-time? I dawned in me though, in one of the most interesting ways…something as simple as a phrase I heard my father say, “It’s all about how you get it. Everybody didn’t get what they have the right way.” From there, I basically shook my head in agreement. And, to tell the truth, most of what is shown by others—I didn’t desire “that” anyway. It was a personal responsibility of mine to start over, see where I missed the lesson, and tune into the understanding that the struggle was crafted for me because He couldn’t get through to me when it was easy to understand, and that I had to be faithful to what has already been given to me before more is delivered to me.

See, all of this time leading up to this realization, I had the notion that I missed a step. I apparently didn’t have enough popularity, or clout. My business ties and resources maybe were too thin. I second guessed everything, literally! Was I supposed to join some group, or keep in touch with certain people over the years? Could I have done something different? Of course hindsight is 20/20, but at the end of the day, this was about obedience. God made that extremely clear to me, because “my way” was not working. Out of all the millions of things that I have done wrong in life; the very thing that caused so much confusion in my life (suddenly dropping out of college), gave me the most experience, crafted understanding about what I wanted to do and be, and helped me to look at what I was growing my seed out of (it’s amazing how out of confusion the biggest lessons and blessings come about).

It has become very easy to compare ourselves via social media and in real life with our peers; now more than ever. We’ve caved in for likes instead. But everything that glitters isn’t always gold my friend (you know the saying). So I took my three year hiatus, and all of the kicking and screaming that came with it, and invested myself one more time into being a student. Yeah, I started school again. I went and learned Algebra A and B all over again at a local community college (I absolutely had no concept of math that I could comprehend. WHATSOEVER!), that was liberating because I passed both with B’s. Then I moved on to heavy-hitters like micro/macroeconomics (that almost killed my positive intentions altogether). Next, I took political science, another surprise to me because I did not know I would like a law formatted class (who knew). Once I wrapped up my accounting courses, I took the plunge, and took my talents to the bachelors program in Business Administration, two and a half years later—done!

It was like I blew the lid off of my own head so a second. I found every single academic weakness I had, made them stronger, and applied it to areas in my life. I still wasn’t sure where it would lead me to, but I remembered all of the times I was told that if I would just finish what I started, God would bless me. So what began to manifest was confidence within me, and the dots began to connect. The ground that the seed was planted in was being nourished by faith, and faith alone. My actions were the water reaching down into the roots. The months later, God was saying that I needed to keep going, and so I started the master’s program and finished 16 months later.

Overall, I can say this with confidence no that I have lived in the confusion or sorts…growth is being subservient. It has nothing to do with “you”. In fact, it has everything to do with how you treat your gift, how you manage and use your faith, and surrendering. All of the jewels dropped along this journey of life are the blessings, meant for “you”, due to your actions. So when we take it upon ourselves to take credit for the seed and ground in which it grew, we are not correct in doing so. The humility is no longer there, and award from the world has replace the reward from God—everlasting life.

So as we continue to go about our day today, take a minute to examine your ground in which the seed has been place. Have you watered your seed today with faithfulness and obedience? Are you expecting growth with no actions? Are we looking forward to awards of the world instead of the reward from God? They’re all important to ask ourselves so that we do not blindly press towards goals on our own effort, but with the assistance and guidance of the Lord.